Big Bad Budd

As my Homemade Strawberry Jam and my wallet is in the same predicament ,Depleted    I did some serious shopping for Strawberries.(S.B.s) as my jam was made last year and it is a staple for me dailly. 
      With a bit of luck ( For a Change ) I found a 908 grams  box full of SB’s on the  half priced items shelf , however the box was not marked 50 % off, so found an inexperienced clerk and pointed out their error,he obliged with  a thank you and labeled them   50 % off.
     When I got home I quickly cleaned the SB’s up and only found one ( 1) bad SB. So made SB Jam for .15 3/4 cents ( I  wonder if they are going to make a 3/4 cent penny since the .01 cent is passee.) but that was  the price per cup ,and I got 12 cups of Jam .that should last me for 36 weeks or more. If I live that long .Heirs can fight over whats left. 

The next time I need some  GDSB’s I’m going to take a fresh box and put them on the 50 % off shelf and demand the clerk mark it 50 % off . I know you do this all the time so Why cant I . OOh what the needy ,indigent people must endure just to get something to eat. 
     Now off to eat some GDSBJ.

As I sit contemplating ”what-to-do- what-to-do” .Should I procrastinate and leave everything undone my duties and just party. 
                        ”NO NO I SCREAM OUT ”
1. Must go for coffee and pie with a friend.
2. Must buy Cat food , I will have to do without my food  however. 
3. Must go to an open house of some new Neighbours( Free Bread, Babes and Booze ) Me Hopes. 
4.I will leave finishing fixing the ” Busted Neighbours Barrier ” until it  warms up in June or July. Hope it rains everyday until then, Stop then and continue when all of you get your holidays from work. 
     The only thing that is important for me today is to go  and see ”THE SHROUD OF TURIN ” at the Conception Church and hope to meet the renowned Dr. Phillip and Barrie Schwortz too. I will offer to them some of my well thought out reason about this ICON.

I sure need some help ”SOS” to complete fixing my fence as I would have to be on   both sides of the fence at one time .
    As help it seems is probably Non- Existent at this time of year I will find a way ( With Perseverance and Fortitude  ) to do that somehow . 
    Yesterday working by myself ( No that is not true I did have and took 4 Tylenol 3’s .for support for my damaged knees )  as I laboured five hours in the rain and Cold ”Fence Mending”
     Close to 50 feet of the fence had collapsed, I took a long rope made a ”Hangmans Noose”  in it and ”Backbreakingly” was able to inch it into a vertical position and then tie it to the biggest tree. I would have liked to put my neighbour at the end of that But I’m just to Sweety Nice. Me Thinks. 
     I then started to repair it with some of the boards ,spiral nails etc that I had stolen ( perhaps that should read Acquired that’s a much  nicer word ) from the Political sign that was in  my yard last year. 
     As darkness set in , now soaking wet , near Hyperthermia , I quit for the day as I had to go and help a Good Friend with restarting her hot water tank , I had shut down one month ago ,she had just returned from Holland so that was important too.  
    Now Ho- Ho- Ho- it’s off to work I ”Solo Go”.

I’m always fearful to ask for help as it seems everyone has to get paid ( I guess rightfully so ) and indigent me is at a disadvantage in that regard at this time. I oft times wonder what ever happened to the ”OLD DAYS” when people volunteered in haste and kindness to help people in their time of need , even to build them a House , Barn and even a ”PIG Sty” all that I did in my younger years for free.

As I sat around daydreaming of Paris Hilton I got hungry for love and Grub. I chose Grub,so decided to make a Lemon Merinque Pie  23Cm round by 6.5 Cm High ( That included my 2 brown Tits of merinque mounds ) OOOPs that should reads ”Tips” (  must been daydreaming about P.H. there ) .
    My coffee shop charges $3.89 for one small wedge ,which is way beyond what  my entertainment expense account could bear SO My Cost is I.E. 
1.   2 Large Eggs                         Cost             .44.8 cents 
2.   I Pack of Lemon Pudding     Cost         $1.00
3.  1  Pat of Butter                      Cost              .16    centabos
4.  1  Pie Crust                            Cost          $1.12    Includes tax.
5. 1/4   Cup of Sugar                 Cost               .27    cents
 This makes a total of $2.99.8 which makes 6 wedges or a savings of 167.8% for a whole pie or $20.34 savings ,that I can buy 2 packs of “”Butts” with. 
    I know you all will say ,what about electical cost to bake it , well I have written that off as I baked a loaf of Soda Bread at the same time that takes 35 minutes where my pie only took 4 minutes. 
      Now that I have saved 167.8% to give to my Heirs ,Shall close  with elations now do I.

Sorry Heirs but my Neighbor just came over and told me my fence blew down last night with all the wind ,and as I tolds her I have no money to build a new one ,nor does her husband even know how to use a Saw or Hammer ,so there goes your inheritance  again. I Might add better not give up your Day Job just yet. Now to limp out out on one leg and try to mend Fences, I don’t want their screaming Impish kids coming in my yard.  

For some reason my ”PIG” still shows farwest @ telus on it and with my Senior Moments I forget to change it to HM when I send em’s out. I hope the un-reliers don’t use that as an excuse for their negligence.

       Now as dreary days are back ,I’m mending more socks , woes seem to ensue me persistently as follows.

1. Never can find the proper Thread Hues.

2. Needed a ”Toe Form” ,must try and buy or make one as this happened.

A. Used one of the Cats Balls ( No their both females ) but got scratched.

B. Used an empty ( I thought ) round glass bottle for toe form . it worked OK but some scummy oil dripped all over my mending area.

C. Used a 60 Watt light bulb for the toe form ,but poked my needle into it and it broke with a loud TNT like blast , sock full of glass .cut my hand removing that.

D. Found a well shaped ”Tater” from my garden to use as the ”Toe Form” but kept sticking my needle into that ,throwing off my perfectly threaded lines, I think I will forget about saving 10 cents a year over 20 years to keep my socks in A-ONE condition ,and will buy 2 pair at the second hand store instead.

         MENDING MUST CONTINUE, Maybe I will  go and have a drink at my Brassard  Decorated  Brasserie ( Not ”A” Cup filled but a Glass filled ) 

Out of all this I will pass on your Domestic Lesson to you all for today .being , I always use a plastic weave ( Screen Door Type) cloth to reinforce the mending area ,for longvevity, Lucky for you N/C for that info.

Perhaps you rich folks can save me a resonable good used tennis ball from your ”Private Golf And Tennis Club ” that you frequent so often , that I may use as a ”Tootsie Timely  Toe Form” apparatus . Thanks a lot.

OOh the woes I must endure ,as when I went to put on my Mac  Greg-err socks ( l allways buy the best )  that I had paid $2.98 for in 1982 I found a ”Hole In The Toe ” my left tootsie was the culprit.

      So not to over spend needlessly ,by buying a new pair , I got out my  Multi Pied wool darning material threads. Lo and Behold out of all the pied colors ,I could not find one to match my Blue Socks,with red coloured toes and heels . So I’m going to use White darning material ,and crochet in Black the word ”OUCH” on my Damned Damaged  Darned Toe Tip.

     I won’t have to hide this ”Patch Job” from anyone as I haven’t had any one come to my house for 87 days now. I guess because I’m so Indigent I’m of no use to anybody . However with my ”Intestinal Fortitude ” me will surive to see more of my lonely forgotten life at least until 3 days before Doomsday Xmas of 2012. 

To end this problem ( After spending 10 cents a year on socks ) I was thinking about going to a ”Pro - Die- A- Trist” and spend some of me $99.22 per month WORK PENSION  to solve my ”Tattered Toe Problem” but I’m fearful that they might chip some of the Deep Red Polish I adorn my ”Tootsies” with now . I sure miss Rie as she   did all  my ”Darning Deeds Dutifully ” for me.

Dear People Of Our World : And others outside this domain Too:  
    As ”Spring Has Sprung” I must apply my DNage cell renewal (Gezight ) that I got   as a free sample in my KLM Kit when My Flight was cancelled in April of 2011, get out my ”Spring Clothes” , Pink suspenders to hold up my Polka Dot Red and Blue Pants , off to see my Doctor at 13:00 hrs. must get another 100 Tylenol 3’s , Go to the bank and pay off part of  my $ 1,193.52 Master card Bill. There goes my deficit financing again , must stop buying ”Butts” on this card. 
    As most of you consider me a ”Yeasayer” ”Me Thinks” I do wish you could do something in regards to replying to my annoying e-mails in this same manner. You wouldn’t want me to turn 180 degrees would you ???? ,and if I have to ,it will all be a burden on your shoulders that will have to endure for an eternity. 
    Could we call this ”Putting On The Pressure ” ”Pedal To The Medal ” Your Last Chance ”  or even I may have to resort and state ”I’m Taking this Badly Of You” that will cause me to have no other choice but to stop all e.m’s to you . BEWARE!!
      Just thought about you and Low and behold it Jarred my memory that I must clean out my 2 Kitty Litter Trays. so will get busy as close now do I. 
                         Budd- Dad- Friend -Etc. 
 
PS Does anyone have an extra nice picture frame 12” X12”  that I can have so I can frame the only coloured picture in  my 2012 Calendar of ”My Eye Candy” Marilyn Monroe, so I can  keep it  on my pillow at night??? 

As I prepare for ” DOOMSDAY ”  on Destructive  December 21 2012 .the best thing is to run up immediately all your credit cards to the limit on  expensive stuff ,then enjoy those products  for 9 months at least  ,then you won’t have to pay for any of it.

     In the meantime  (Literally ) I’m starting to segregate my Black Cat from my White Cat ( C.C.C. -2 ) as they are always in a state of conflict.  So me being so fair and honest I have decided to put the Black Cat ( No I don’t use the ”N” word ) I just call her a ”Jungle Bunny” in the South part of the House ( Near the Railway  Tracks )  no indoor plumbing ,water supply, heat , air conditioning and just some  ribs , cornpone and watermelon to eat.

      The GOOD  White Cat  will reside in the upscale Northern part of the house ,she will have her own private  spa like bathroom , Rec.Room, Living Room , with her own 50” TV , WiFi connections, and a lot of games to play on her I pad , her own Bedroom ( mirror in the ceiling ) , with her  own heated vibrating ,adjustable position , medical type bed ,and of coarse with 3 healthy meals per day. I must put in running water so she doesn’t have to drink from the toilet  as the Black Cat is assigned to do.

       With all the Goodness I show ,just  maybe that will negate the ”DOOMSDAY” event. So my advice to you all is to achieve  the the same good things I do for the World  and then you will be able to say ”  I’VE HELPED TO SAVE THE WORLD”

        Now I must get busy ,as I have numerous other great deeds to achieve as close out now do I.    

PS. I must Harkin back 74 years ago when I ,to make some money by( Saving the World ) I was able to get 05 cents for each egg I stole from the Crows nests , I got a bonus if I killed a crow  and for it’s two legs I got 10 cents, If you could work hard and carry 25 large buckets of water 200 meters ,drown out a gopher ,kill it, cut off it’s tail you got 05 cents too. This was not a bad thing as the  the Socialist Government  put that into  effect in the war years to help the farmers  save their crops from these vermin. Today they are even going to  do even worse things, but to the people  this time.   Amen.  

Covetousness  thinking to augment my meagre fundes ,I’m going to charge my neighbour for the air she breaths in.  
 
    That “”OLD BAG” is always complaining  about my tall cedar tree needles falling on her Son-In- Laws driveway. Now I must admit it does happen and I pray for the wind to always blow from a Westerly direction so it goes in their  yard and not mine, and as the good like me get rewarded with last nights windstorm ,me is  in the right all the time   I told the 88 year old dipstick it’s good for her to have some exercise sweeping. 
 
 I also mentioned to her that I didn’t make the trees as ”ONLY GOD CAN MAKE A TREE” SHE ALWAYS WANTS ME TO CUT DOWN THE 50 FOOT TREES ,  I told you pay for it and I will. Then I retorted  using some foul language , that my trees make oxygen for her to breath and live ,also firmly mentioned I will charge her for for the air she breaths if she doesn’t stop harassing ”POOR OLD ME” .
 
    Even at her age and from Indonesia ,  she is out sweeping with her long bristled styled   broom  every day ,so will charge her a daily ”AIR TAX” . I do call her ”BROOM HILDA” 
 
      Graciously the talk was over and left her with ” NOW AS THE LONG OPEN ROAD IS WAITING ,I WISH YOU WERE THE ONLY ONE , PLEASE SAY YOU’LL WANT ME AS A FRIEND. AND WAS LEAVING  NOW DO I  .  

Do you think I’m a Mean Old Man ?? AND if so I will apply an Air  Tax on  you too. 

Part of an email to my granddaughter: 

Glad to hear your back in the saddle again , Being a teacher  I have noticed they all have thin lips ( Litterly ) that’s not you . I have been giving them the  ”Finger ” and mouthing F.Y’s to them as I drive by their picket lines. calling out that your nothing but  $80,000 people baby sitters . IF I’M OUT OF ORDER? Please ”Teach” Mss Norgren don’t be to harsh on  me. 

I now call my new Kitty ”RATTY” as it is a little devil , tearing up all my rugs and sofa , and seems to like to be on top of everything. I have to put her in ”The Time Out Room” sometimes . Coo-Chi-Coo-2 is very jealous of her. The other day I went in to have a nap in the computer room and I noticed the medical bed in there was raised up on the foot of it. Ratty must have adjusted the electric  motor controls for her liking as she sleeps in there with CCC-2 sometimes .